mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
