ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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