So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
