You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
