im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
