carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
