the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
