Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
