I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize