Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
