I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
