Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
