Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
