I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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