And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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