Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
