Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
