i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
