Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
