nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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