could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
