Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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