Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
