Umm I'm too high to move.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
