in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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