Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
