we have officially lost it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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