I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
