I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
