My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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