The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
