would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
