Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
