I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
