My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize