I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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