i need an iv and a liver transplant
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize