the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize