I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
