That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
