His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
