She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
