no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
