There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize