dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
