i just had sex bonerless
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize