no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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