It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
