There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize