don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
