she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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