i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
