3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
