Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
