I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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