Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
