in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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