i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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