oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His nipple licking is glorious
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