obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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