Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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