I think i peed on brittanys purse
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
