My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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