come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
