I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
