doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
