i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
