She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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