Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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