:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
