I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
