I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
