That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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