Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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