Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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