Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
