Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
