his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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