I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I will pee on everything he values.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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