i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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