the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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