omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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