I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
