what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
