Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
