I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
