He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
