Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
