True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
