His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
