Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can you bring me the toilet please
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
