one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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