Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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